BDSM Punishments for Submissives

Has your submissive broken a rule? Need a way to correct her behavior? Learn about BDSM punishments for submissives including the 7 principles of punishments, the different levels of punishment and how to choose the correct one, and different types of punishments with examples.

Discipline, which involves administering punishments, is a core practice in BDSM (with the "D" standing for discipline) and an integral part of many Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamics. Punishments serve as a way to correct a submissive’s behavior, but only if they are applied effectively and are appropriate for the submissive.

What Are Punishments?

A punishment in a D/s dynamic is a method of correcting a submissive’s behavior when they violate mutually agreed-upon rules established by the Dominant. When a submissive breaks a rule, the Dominant uses a punishment—often something the submissive dislikes but is within their limits—to correct behavior and discourage future transgressions.

Why Punish a Submissive?

Doms invest significant time in structuring a D/s dynamic, developing a code of conduct that includes values, responsibilities, protocols, rituals, and rules. These elements are designed to help the dynamic grow into something greater than either partner individually.

When the submissive disregards or actively violates this code of conduct, they are harming themselves, the Dominant, and the shared dynamic, preventing them from reaching their full potential.

The goal of discipline is not to break the submissive but to help them grow into a better version of themselves. If they have wandered off course, it is the Dom's responsibility to guide them back onto the path laid out for them.

How to Punish a Submissive

First, we will explore the core principles of punishment. Then, we will discuss the levels of punishment based on the severity of behavior correction needed. Finally, we will provide examples of different types of punishments that can be incorporated into a D/s dynamic.

7 Principles of Punishment

1. Check Yourself First

Before punishing your submissive, evaluate your own role in the transgression.

Consider the following:

• Did you clearly communicate your expectations? A submissive cannot follow a rule they do not understand.
• Have you assigned too many duties or rules, making them overwhelming? No one can be expected to follow hundreds of rules.
• Are the rules realistic and integrated into your actual lives? Effective D/s dynamics function within existing commitments and responsibilities of your everyday life.
• Does the rule serve the dynamic, or is its violation a sign that it is outdated or unnecessary? Just like in regular society, sometimes rules are broken because they are outdated, superfluous and have no reason existing.
• Have you been fulfilling your responsibilities as a Dom, or could your submissive be acting out due to your shortcomings?

While the submissive should follow the rules, the structure of the dynamic may require adjustments to prevent future transgressions.

2. The Punishment Should Match the Crime

The severity of the punishment should align with the severity of the misdeed.

For example, if your submissive committed a small infraction, such as forgetting to address you by your honorific for the first time, a severe lashing is probably unreasonable. A gentle correction of how you would like addressed would be more fitting.

On the other hand, if your submissive has committed a major transgression, or multiple, repeated offenses, corporal punishment may be called for.

3. Let Your Submissive Know the Punishments in Advance

Just as society operates with known consequences for breaking laws, your submissive should be aware of the potential consequences of their actions. Discussing punishments beforehand ensures consent and can serve as a deterrent.

If you’re struggling to determine what punishments to use, I’ve compiled a list of examples below.

Here’s a cheat code: ask your submissive to create a list of punishments they find undesirable. People often hold themselves to higher standards than others would.

4. Be Prompt in Administering Punishments

Discipline is most effective when delivered promptly. The longer the delay, the weaker the association between the transgression and the punishment. 

If you are prone to emotional reactions, take the time needed to cool down before administering discipline. However, waiting longer than a day may diminish its effectiveness.

Submissives also need to see that their Doms care enough about the relationship to take the time to discipline them. The worst you can do is forget to punish the sub entirely. Neglecting to address bad behavior or delaying punishment may cause the submissive to feel unimportant or undervalued in the dynamic.

5. Be Firm Yet Understanding

Punishing a submissive can be difficult, but failing to follow through undermines the rules and expectations you have set. Listen to their perspective, but remain firm in upholding the agreed-upon structure.

Some submissives, particularly brats, may test boundaries to see if you will enforce them. If you are inconsistent, they may lose respect for both you and the rules.

This doesn’t mean being cold and uncaring, it means being firm and understanding. In fact, giving punishments when properly earned by the submissive, shows that you care about them and the goals you’ve agreed upon.

6. Explain Why They Are Being Punished

Before administering punishment, ensure your submissive understands why they are being disciplined. 

In fact, it’s more powerful for her to explain to you why she is being punished. 

Have her describe: 

• what the appropriate behaviour is,
• how that behaviour helps her to fulfill the goals of the dynamic,
• why her transgressions are wrong,
• why she is being punished for them.

At any point in her explanation, if she doesn’t know or is unclear, this is a good signal to you that you were unclear when first giving them to her. Now is a good time to correct that by reminding her of your expectations and intentions.

Reinforce the correction by integrating it into the punishment. For example, if they are writing lines, have them write the exact rule they violated. Another idea is to have your submissive recite a phrase after each spanking, such as “I’ll be Daddy’s good girl.”

7. Punish from a Place of Love

Punishments are meant to correct your submissive’s behavior so they will become what you believe she can be—the best version of herself. You’re punishing her because you care for her.

Never administer discipline from a place of anger, as this risks crossing boundaries and violating consent.

After punishment, take the time to rebuild the connection with proper aftercare. Remind your submissive that they are still valued and that their mistakes do not define them.

Levels of Punishment

Earlier, we discussed the principle that punishment should match the severity of the transgression. In general, the most effective approach is to use the least amount of force necessary to correct behavior. This is why distinguishing between different levels of punishment is essential.

One method is to use a punishment scale from 1 to 10, assigning punishments based on severity. When a transgression occurs, you use your discretion to choose an appropriate level.

Another approach is to categorize punishments into three tiers: corrections, discipline, and severe punishment. This not only ensures appropriate severity but also provides a framework for escalating consequences in response to repeated infractions.

Corrections

A correction is a simple reminder or a mild reprimand, akin to a slap on the wrist, intended to address minor mistakes or first-time offenses. Your submissive is human—sometimes they may forget a rule, find it unclear, or simply have an off day. A brief reminder signals that you are paying attention, that the rules matter, but that you are also understanding and fair.

Light Punishment

For repeated infractions, discipline may be necessary. Light punishments serve as a corrective measure to reinforce pre-established rules and behaviors.

Before implementing discipline, self-reflection is key. Are the rules too overwhelming? Are they clearly defined? If not, it is your responsibility to adjust and clarify them. Discipline should always serve its intended purpose without harming the submissive’s mental state, confidence, or perception of the relationship.

Severe Punishment

If a dynamic reaches the level of severe punishment, there is likely a breakdown in communication or expectations, which is as much the Dominant’s responsibility as it is the submissive’s. In such cases, restructuring may be necessary to restore balance. Severe punishments are more intense versions of disciplinary actions, holding the submissive accountable while also prompting the Dominant to reassess the situation.

For example, if a submissive strongly dislikes the cold, a light punishment might involve running an ice cube over her breasts. A severe punishment, however, might require her to hold an ice cube in her vagina, while an even harsher version could involve an extended ice bath.

Bratting and “Fun”ishment

If brat play is part of your dynamic, clear boundaries must be set. Define when bratting is acceptable and which punishments are for fun versus those reserved for serious transgressions. Without this distinction, accountability becomes murky, and the effectiveness of punishment diminishes.

While a D/s dynamic is built on structure and discipline, it should also be enjoyable. If your submissive delights in brat play, create space for it in a way that is fulfilling for both of you.

Types of Punishments

Painful Punishments

A common form of punishment, this is effective for submissives who do not enjoy pain. However, for masochists or those who derive pleasure from pain, this method loses its corrective impact.

Examples:

• Spanking
• Tight nipple clamps
• Rubber-banded chopsticks on an outstretched tongue

Humiliating Punishments

These involve making the submissive perform actions they find embarrassing. However, if the submissive is aroused by humiliation, these will not serve as effective punishments.

Examples:

• Wearing a degrading sign around the neck
• Being walked on a leash in public
• Being used as furniture

Sexual Punishments

These involve denying the submissive sexual pleasure. If she has specific sexual preferences for performing on you, such as an oral fixation, punishments might involve restricting those acts.

Examples:

• Orgasm denial
• No self-touching
• Wearing a chastity device

Verbal Punishments

These involve scolding or reprimanding the submissive. For those who thrive on praise or are part of a DDlg dynamic, simple expressions of disappointment can be more impactful than physical punishment.

Examples:

• Lecturing
• “Repeat after me” exercises
• Reciting the code of conduct

Physical Punishments

These punishments are not about pain, but prolonged amounts of mild discomfort in ways the submissive really doesn’t enjoy.

Examples:

• Wearing a ball gag for an extended period
• Holding an uncomfortable pose
• Pressing a piece of paper against the wall with the nose

Boring Punishments

Often not painful or sexual, but they do make the submissive wish her brain was in a blender rather than doing such a menial task.

Examples:

• Writing lines repeatedly
• Scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush
• Standing in the corner

Denial Punishments

Deny access or revoke privileges from your submissive from non-sexual activities they enjoy.

Examples:

• Speech restrictions
• No social media, Netflix, or forms of passive entertainment
• Making her take the bus rather than the car

Final Considerations in Choosing a Punishment

Be mindful that repeated use of an act as either a reward or punishment will shape how it is perceived over time. This can influence future behaviors beyond your dynamic. For instance, if cold showers are used as a punishment, a submissive may develop a negative association with them, making it harder to adopt them for health benefits later.

Free List of Punishment Ideas

Every dynamic is unique, and punishments should be tailored accordingly. However, if you need inspiration, download my free list of 81 Ways to Punish Your Submissive to help get started.