Brat Tamer: The Secret to Taming Brat Submissives

Brats - the beautiful pains in our asses, or are we the pains in theirs? To be determined. Learn the secret to taming brats, effective strategies and mindsets for being a brat tamer, and example punishments for brats.

If you’ve spent much time in the BDSM scene, you’ve no doubt come across a brat, a submissive who likes to subscribe to the ideology that rules are meant to be broken. They take pleasure in being mischievous, naughty, and cheeky with their partner, from having a healthy flirting to roast ratio, talking back when told what to do, or refusing to follow orders to receive attention or punishments.

These submissives can sometimes get a bad rap because they can be seen as difficult, but if you take the time to dig into the desires behind their brattiness, you’ll find that they are often very sweet, caring and subby. 

Misconceptions about brats:

• Brats are not "true" submissives: just because they don’t submit as eagerly as other types of submissives, does not mean that they are not submissive. They don’t want to be in control, they just want to know that you can truly handle them and be reminded of their place.
• Brats want to be DDlg dynamics: not every brat identifies as a little or a sub that wants to be in a DDlg dynamic. The motivation behind their bratting will change the tone and behavior. Some may want a Daddy who they can playfully push back on for a spanking, others may just enjoy the tussle and want a Dom who will completely overtake them.
• You can't punish a brat: If what the brat wants is punishment, doesn’t giving them that defeat the purpose and it’s not a punishment at all? This, my friend, is where you’ll need to learn your brat to find out which acts they enjoy and which ones they don’t, so you can use the appropriate ones.
• You have to break a brat: This is dangerous because it means you’re trying to change something fundamental to their personality and how they like to enjoy their submission. You don’t need to change them. You do need to learn how to be more flexible, witty, and resourceful in your Dominance, though. If brats are not for you, then don’t play with them.

Brats are actually just like any other submissive in that they will only submit to a Dom that they truly respect. The catch is that most Doms are going to have to work for that respect.

For that, you’re going to need the tools of a brat tamer, someone who enjoys the satisfaction of earning the brat’s trust and respect, taking the responsibility of that, and managing or exerting your will over her.

Before we dive in, if you only take away one skill from this guide, I want you to understand the fundamental rule for brat taming: don’t take the bratting at face value and instead understand their motivations behind bratting. What need are they trying to fulfill using bratty behavior? Deliver to that, and you’ll have putty in your hands.

Why do submissives brat?

When you were a child and acted out with misbehavior, were you ever called a brat? Think back to why you were using bratty behavior. 

Most likely, you were trying to get your parents' attention directed at something, either at the rules you thought were bullshit, the boundaries you were unsure of so you needed to test them, or just to pay attention to you and you alone. Even when your parents reprimanded you, them doing so showed that they cared enough to do so, that they loved and cared for you.

Submissive brats are similar. If the brat “behaves badly” but is ultimately overcome and absolved by their Dom, they see the perseverance as hot evidence of the Dom’s focused desire for them. The punishment as a result of brattiness reaffirms in the sub that they are loved. That their actions are being monitored and there are repercussions for negative behaviors. Somebody cares enough about them to want to correct their behavior.

Submissives don’t brat because they don't know how to behave, they are brats because they crave attention and feeling your love and care through the form of behavior correction.

However, in my experience, there is further nuance to their behavior, depending on their motivations. These are not colloquial terms in the BDSM scene, but the following breakdown of the types of brats are helpful for me to identify why they may be bratting at the moment.

Types of brats and their motivations:

• Defensive brat: She labels herself as bratty as a defense mechanism to not get bulldozed by shitty guys and sniff out fake doms. She may even be sassy and have a mouth on her. But if you show up confident and unmoved by her, she usually drops it quickly and is actually a good girl. Usually they will verbally test you, for which you must be witty, teasing, and confident enough to bring her ego in check.
• Playful brat: These women like to just be bratty for fun and don't mean anything by it. It's a kink and they like to get off by it. Their bratting is innocent, curious, and playful much like a child or teen may brat. They are looking for the attention as described above.
• Challenging brat: These women also do it for fun and get off on it, the difference is they want you to "fight" them or completely overcome them. Think two animals wrestling for dominance. They test you to get a rise out of you. They are sometimes called Smart Ass Masochists, because they usually want you to physically exert force or pain on them as punishment for their behavior. 
• Not a brat, just disrespectful: Few women hijack the term brat to justify blatant disrespect in a serious way, either with words of vitriol or testing your every step. My advice, draw a hard line and do not tolerate disrespect.

Just like you as a Dom have unique desires and needs, your brat is going to have unique desires and needs they want fulfilled. Don’t be confused by how they are going about asking for that need to be met, though. 

How to be a Brat Tamer

Now you might be thinking brats sound difficult. Can I just ignore the behavior or ignore them?

While this could be a strategy, it kind of misses the point for the brat. 

Ignoring is often a strategy used for correcting the behavior of a child who is acting out. Ignoring misbehavior in a child can be very effective, because the misbehavior is being done for attention and the child usually does not understand their choice.

A brat misbehaves for attention but unlike the child, they are almost always aware of what they are doing. They are purposely acting out in order for you to meet their need for attention in a very specific way. So ignoring the behaviour violates the essential element of brat and brat tamer dynamic.

You engaging with them, even when they're difficult, especially when they’re difficult, gives them the loving attention they crave.

The general rule of thumb for taming a brat is:

1. Figure out the motivation behind the brat’s behavior and the need they want fulfilled.
2. Since you’re in control as the Dom, decide how you would like to fulfill that need:
   1. If it’s a playful transgression, then you may wish to give a punishment in the way they are wanting to be punished (often called a “fun”ishment).
   2. If it’s a serious transgression and corrective behavior is called for, you may wish to give a punishment in a way that is actually punishing for the brat, oftentimes not in the way they were hoping you’d punish them.
   3. If you don’t wish to fulfill their need, then you state so. Remember this is supposed to be fun, so if you’re really not feeling it that day, then you can easily put a squash to it and save it for another day.

What this should highlight to you is that you’re not just bending to your brat’s will just because they are throwing a tantrum. You’re still in the driver’s seat and you get to choose how you respond to their behavior. They can throw a fit, struggle, and test you all they want, you’re still in control.

Mindsets for brat taming

Every brat is going to be different. You’re going to approach them in the general process I outlined above, and discover what’s unique to the brat you’re taming. That said, there are some mindsets that will smooth the process for you.

Brat taming mindsets:

• Earn their respect: This is foundational Dominance 101, but it’s especially important for the brat. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to pass a bunch of tests. In my experience, if you’re showing up as the best Dom you could be in that moment, oftentimes the tests are non-existent. 
• Dig deeper: It’s not wise to just take a brat at face value. They might just be fucking with your for the fun of it. Get inside their head. Find out what they really want and who they really are under that bratty facade.
• Don’t overreact: If you are easily offended, have an inflated ego, or easily walked over by other people, you’re going to have a poor time with a brat. You can’t just fly off the handle or get defensive when your brat starts misbehaving. A secure, strong sense of self, confidence, and a back bone are going to be needed. Being a brat tamer is about knowing them enough to be able to say the right thing to put them in their place without being condescending.
• Know your “enough is enough” line: Every person has an energy balance they are constantly maintaining. Depending on your brat, and how much you enjoy being a brat tamer, constantly being tested by your brat may be draining of that energy. It’s important to know when you’ve had enough and it’s not fun for you at that moment. Remember, Dom’s can use safewords, too and now would be a good time to use it to protect each person’s mental and emotional sanity. 
• Punishment to match the crime: Don’t blow punishments out of proportion. A little back talk doesn’t warrant you locking them in a cage for three days.  
  

Brat tamer punishment ideas

Below are some ideas you can use to punish a brat. This is far from an exhaustive list, and I really recommend you find your own unique to your brat. The best brat tamers I’ve met are usually creative and witty individuals (and sometimes just a tad sadistic). 

Basic punishment ideas:

• Spanking 
• Orgasm Denial 
• Forced Silence 
• Sitting on a chair/step 
• Forced orgasm
• Clit spanking
• Bondage 
• Tickling 
• Tying them up
• Being put in a cage
• Taking a cold shower
• Strained or forced positions
• Make them do push ups
• Doing chores
• Writing lines
  

Here’s an example of how one of those might be used. I played with a brat who knew I didn’t like my hair or beard pulled. She kept playfully saying she loved my hair and wanted to pull it. After we had sex and were cuddling, she reached over to pull my hair. I told her to stop and she said “make me” in a very snarky tone. So I flipped her over, laid myself across her body so she could not move, spanked her ass hard, and then I fingered her past the point of orgasm until she couldn’t take it anymore, just to remind her who was in control. Then I cuddled with her and enjoyed the sweetest girl that could be.