Not All DDlg is the Same: How to Enjoy DDlg without Ageplay

Curious about DDlg or Daddy Dom/ little girl dynamics in BDSM buy not sure about ageplay? Learn some misconceptions about DDlg, the psychology of someone who might enjoy it, and ways to experience without ageplay.

One of the most misunderstood types of BDSM relationships is the Daddy Dom/ little girl dynamic (or DD/lg), both from outside the BDSM community and even within the BDSM community. This article will illuminate a couple common misconceptions from outside of the community, but will focus more on the ones within the community, particularly for those, like myself, who wanted a way to engage in DDlg without necessarily having ageplay and how to do that.

Personally, I really enjoy the taboo. It turns me on a lot. My favorite dynamics to engage in are probably the most polarizing, those being DDlg, which we’ll discuss today, and Master/slave. It took a lot of work, breaking through shame, understanding my own desires, and exploring what DDlg looked like for me before I could enjoy it.

As someone who wholeheartedly embraces being a Daddy Dom, the idea of facilitating little activities like coloring, engaging in diaper play, or having my submissive act like a young child didn't really appeal to me. To be clear, I don’t have anything against those that want to experience DDlg in those sorts of ways, it’s just not how I wanted to engage with the kink. 

Yet there was something about being a "Daddy" that was both extremely arousing and enticing to me… Of course, it was only in my naivete that I thought DDlg could only be experienced with elements of ageplay. 

Especially early on in my journey as a Dom, when expressing to partners new to being submissive my interest in DDlg, and I couldn’t articulate what that meant for me, I’d sometimes get hesitant responses because many can be offput by the idea of regressing to a younger age. They, too, were being misled into thinking that having her embrace her childlike essence automatically equated to acting developmentally different than her current age.

For those submissives that embraced it, they did not age regress per se and they did not go into little space, yet we happily called it a DDlg dynamic. And it was far more than just them simply calling me “Daddy” (although, I'll admit, I do love to hear that). 

So what were we doing exactly?

What is DDlg?

DDlg stands for Daddy Dom/ little girl, a BDSM roleplay dynamic where two consenting adults engage in a power exchange relationship. One person takes on the role of a parental-like figure or caregiver (the Daddy Dom) and the other acts as ‘the little’ – someone who wants to receive care and affection (the little girl).

Quickly addressing the most common misconception from outside the BDSM scene: Those that engage in DDlg are NOT pedophiles. The definition of pedophilia is having sexual feelings towards children. A Daddy Dom wants to be with his ADULT CONSENTING submissive who is roleplaying a little girl, not actual little girls in general.

But there is, in fact, more nuance to how one might express DDlg. 

Misconceptions about DDlg

Does DDlg always involve age play or age regression?

In short, no. Ageplay does not have to be a part of DDlg dynamics. 

Ageplay is a type of a consensual adult role play in which individuals experiment with being a different age than their current developmental phase. For example, regressing to teenage, preteen, or a younger age. The Dom in this scenario may act as a safe keeper for their little while they engage in ‘little space’, the mindset of acting out that regressed age.

While some who participate in DDlg enjoy having ageplay as part of their dynamic, it’s not required to get the psychological benefits of a DDlg dynamic. Age play is just one set of tools that might fulfill the needs you're seeking through DDlg, but it’s not the only ones. 

Does DDlg always involve sex?

As with many kinks in BDSM, DDlg does not have to involve sex at all. I’m going to list some of the ways I engage within a DDlg dynamic, and none of them (besides dirty talk) are explicitly sexual in their nature. All of them could be done without sexual intercourse ever happening at all.

Why is that important? Because for some that engage in DDlg, they may do it as a form of developmental therapy or as a way to engage in a mentoring relationship and they need a safe person to do that with that has nothing to do with sex.

That said, for many sex is a part of the dynamic. Sex is a very integral part of all of my kinks. That’s ok, too. My point is that it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to.

Does there have to be an age gap to enjoy DDlg?

No, there does not have to be an age gap. However, many find it easier to mentally take on the roles when the Daddy is older than the little. What’s more important than the number is the mindset. 

I’m someone who enjoys age gaps both ways, meaning I like partners who are both younger and older than me. What I find particularly enjoyable about it is experiencing generational perspectives in a very intimate way, as well as the vast differences in experience levels. I’m quirky, I know. But it’s fun.

Even in some of my dynamics with older women, we may have still engaged in DDlg because I was still able to embody the psychology of a Daddy. I’m sure the big, fluffy beard helped, too.

So you can be the same age, younger, older, doesn’t matter. So long as you’re both able to sink into the respective headspaces.

Does liking DDlg mean I have a bad relationship with my father?

This is where words and their meanings are important. Your father and your “Daddy”, while they may share a few overlapping traits such as being able to provide strong masculine guidance, are different. They are going to love and care for you in different ways, because they are fundamentally different relationships predicated on different rules. Your Dom is not your father, and you have no need for him to replace your father. 

I've had submissives with wonderful, healthy, loving relationships with their father who still loved me calling them babygirl, little one, or my little, dirty slut… because they were able to understand that this roleplay fantasy was not about incest or trying to create an intimate relationship with their father, but fullfilling particular needs and feelings we wanted to experience. Let’s discuss those.

Psychology of a little girl in DDlg

I’ve said it many times before and I’ll beat this point into the ground. Whenever you want something in life, you don’t actually want the thing per se, but rather the feeling that thing is going to evoke in you. For example, you buy a nice necklace because you think it’s going to make you feel important, respected, attractive, or loved.

Submission, particularly in the roleplay of being a little, is no different. Submission evokes strong feelings and it’s these feelings that you are seeking. 

For most, you don’t actually want to be a little girl - you are and will always be a grown, independent woman. The way you interact with a Daddy, though, can make you feel like a little girl, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl, even if you are an adult.

So what are these feelings? Well, think about what it’s like to be a child. Not physically, but rather the quality of the experience. It’s a time when life wasn’t so fucking hard and you didn’t have much to worry about. No responsibilities. No tough decisions. People cared for you, protected you, and loved you almost unconditionally. You had simple rules with predictable outcomes, not anxiety producing uncertainty about what the meaning of life is. You had curiosity, wonder, and people would guide and nurture you to explore that. You were cherished for your accomplishments. Most importantly, you were safe from almost all harm.

Then you entered life as an adult and you realized that’s not what life is anymore. Life is hard. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could feel…

• Cherished
• Loved
• Cared for
• Guided
• Praised
• Uplifted
• Free from responsibility
• And safe

…again?

These are the feelings that you will revel in. It’s the safest place you have ever known. It allows you the freedom to be in the deepest parts of your childlike essence, free from worry, judgement, and responsibility. You feeling safe and comfortable with Daddy is truly what allows your little girl inside you to come out of the big girl pants you have to wear every day.

Psychology of a Daddy Dom in DDlg

Probably more than any other previous guide I’ve written, I’m going to speak more personally about the needs and feelings I seek to fulfill when taking on the Daddy Dom role. With that in mind, not every Daddy is going to feel or think this way, however it’s what helped me to frame in my mind how I wanted to engage in this sort of relationship.

Having spent a great deal of time deciphering my own erotic mind, particularly through the process of journaling, and then testing out what I journaled, I deciphered that in my sexual interactions I most desired to feel:

• Naughty
• Desired 
• Appreciated 
• Primal
• Respected
• Worshipped

A submissive that engages in DDlg with me will hit almost every one of those feelings for me. The taboo nature of the relationship makes it feel naughty. When she gets super needy and wants her Daddy to fulfill all her needs, I can feel her desire. When she sees all the care I put in to help her grow and she shares her gratitude, verbally and physically, I feel appreciated. When she follows my lead, commands, and heads my discipline, I feel respected. When she looks up at me with her all encompassing gaze like I’m her world, I feel worshipped. 

Those are what I get from her. However, being a Daddy is also equally about what you give, which can be just as rewarding.

At the core, what I find arousing about DDlg is the “corruption” of seeming innocence. Not in a malevolent way, but in a way that says “you have a naive view of the world, putting things into neat little categories in your mind like a child does, but if you remove the judgement, shame, and guilt clouding your desires, there is a world of possibility for you.” Then that seemingly innocent, good girl becomes a woman who fully expresses every depraved desire she has, and becomes a stronger woman because of it. 

To me, the process of being a Daddy is creating a safe space and protecting her, both from the outside world and herself. Every time we engage in exploring our kinks and sexuality within this container, it’s like giving doses of poison (big Daddy poison), in order to build a stronger immune system to the bullshit she’ll face when she puts her big girl pants back on. I want her to be stronger and more confident in herself, inside and outside the bedroom, as if she won’t need a Daddy one day. I believe in her more than she believes in herself.  I take great pride in her successes. After all, I helped to mold and create her. I need to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still chooses to submit to me.

During that process the Daddy Dom gives:

• Caregiving: He tends to her needs and desires, allowing them ample room to flourish under his protection and safety.
• Nurturing: She is safe in his arms because he knows everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn't matter. It is this love that allows him to train her.
• Mentorship: He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and behavior correction when the need arises.
• Discipline: It hurts him to have to punish her, but he knows it is sometimes necessary. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.

You can see that these core functions of a Daddy Dom could be given entirely without ageplay or even without labeling it a “Daddy Dom/ little girl” dynamic. In fact there are other flavors of this dynamic that sometimes feel more comfortable for people to use.

Similar dynamics to DDlg:

• Caregiver/ little
• Mentor/ mentee
• Disciplinarian/ brat

The labels are less important than what they mean to you. You can learn that by engaging your own erotic mind and deciphering just what makes this dynamic so appealing to you.

Ways to engage in DDlg without ageplay

The following list could be elements in a DDlg relationship, with or without ageplay as a component.

Mentorship

Dominance and submission is about both sides of the slash getting what they desire and reaching the goals that they have through the use of power exchange. As a Daddy who wishes to care for and nurture his submissive, part of that duty is to mentor her, often within the context of BDSM skills and sexual self mastery, but sometimes within the realms of emotional intelligence, self awareness, or life skills and decision making. A Daddy has greater insight, wisdom, and knowledge about these topics than a little, he becomes her crutch and source of strength to address. 

Example mentorship activities:

• Helping her to discover her turn ons using a tool like a sex menu
• Guiding her through a major life decision
• Giving her assignments to help her improve
• Using punishments and rewards to hold her accountable

Praise

It’s not uncommon for a submissive that identifies with being a little girl to have a praise kink. They want to know that they make their Daddy proud. Praise could be as simple as a few phrases used now and again, or as complex as giving rewards specific to her goals to acknowledge her accomplishments.

Phrases of praise could fall under these categories:

• Admiration: Express genuine admiration for a specific quality or action of the sub.
• Appreciation: Show gratitude for the sub's efforts or service.
• Validation: Acknowledge the importance of the sub's submission or their role in the dynamic.
• Encouragement: Provide positive reinforcement to motivate and empower the sub.
• Ownership: Assert dominance and reinforce the power dynamic.

Examples of praise phrases:

• "You're such a good little one, always eager to please."
• "Daddy adores the way you melt under his touch."
• "You make Daddy's heart race with desire, my sweet little one."
• "You're Daddy's perfect little princess, and he loves taking care of you."
• "Daddy's proud of his good girl, always willing to learn and grow."
• There’s also degradation praises like “my beautiful and obedient little cumslut”

It's part of the Daddy’s job to understand their sub enough to know what praise phrases the sub will respond to, and be imaginative to switch things up and not overuse any. 

Setting rules

Rules help to guide the little’s behavior, train her in the ways Daddy can be pleased, and to help grow as a submissive and a person. Rules are not set just to have them, they each serve a purpose. Rules may be part of a contract, or just as a brief set of guidelines for the little’s behavior in a particular circumstance such as during play time vs out in public.

To set rules:

• Discover and decide what your goals as a dynamic are
• Use rules that are easy to understand and get started with. I recommend only a few to start and to integrate them into activities you’re already doing in play or life.
• As time goes on, you can add, remove, or change rules.
• Consider setting specific punishments and rewards for rules.

To help you easily keep track of the rules set for the submissive, you can use the app Obedience. It allows you to track when your submissive completes tasks, follows rules, and what punishments and rewards she may incur for doing so. 

Discipline or behavior correction

The purpose of discipline is to correct the submissive’s behavior to be aligned with what most empowers and helps her grow or better serve. Discipline can come in many forms and not all are corporal punishment. 

Example forms of discipline:

• Corporal punishment
• Writing an essay on the consequences of her behavior
• Discussions about her misbehavior 
• Removal of privileges

In order for the little girl to really trust she must know Daddy means what he says. He must constantly deepen her respect for him. If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If the submissive finds that you can manipulate Daddy out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. 

Spanking

Although spanking could have been included as a form of discipline, spanking can elicit many more feelings than just remorse for behavior misconduct. Spanking has a wide variety of ways to be enjoyed and could be included in a DDlg dynamic. 

Some DDlg dynamics that include spanking in their repertoire have maintenance spankings, a spanking given usually once a week as a reminder of who is in charge and what happens if you don't obey, follow instructions, complete chores, etc. This maintenance spanking is usually given the same day and time every week.

Others might include spanking as a fun game played between the Daddy and little girl, often tied with bratting, which we’ll discuss shortly.

Cuddles and snuggles

DDlg often encompasses the softer side of Dominance promoting tenderness, love, and care. Maybe more than any other type of submissive, little girl’s often want the attention of their Daddy the most. What better way to physically show that then cuddling and snuggling up with their Daddy.

To be honest, sometimes it’s the post coitus snuggles that are my favorite part of a whole scene, when you two are enveloped into each other, and she buries her head into me, neither of us want to ever move from that position.

Dirty Talk

DDlg, like any other dynamic, is a head game. Language, and specifically dirty talk, is one of the fastest ways to reach both partners psychologically and deepen their roles. Dirty talk allows you to enhance what is happening in a scene or dynamic by pointing it out. 

There are lots of dirty talk phrases that could be created for both Dominants and submissives that could be repurposed and made specific for DDlg. Most of time you’re emphasizing them being little, naive, inexperienced, innocent, and naughty.

Example DDlg dirty talk:

• “You’re too little to do it by yourself, babygirl, let Daddy help.”
• “Do that again and I’ll spank you; Is that what you want?”
• “Everyone can tell what a naughty little girl you are…”
• “Lift up your skirt and show Daddy your princess parts.”
• “Need Daddy to take care of you?”
• “Come here princess”
• “Hold still for Daddy”

Dressing up

The other tool that plays a major role in hitting the psychological buttons of DDlg is by having your little girl dress up in outfits that usually emphasize cute or innocent over sultry and seductive. Think pinks and pastels, bows and florals, schoolgirl skirts, and cosplay outfits. There are entire lingerie sites for this style such as DDLG Playground.

Bratting

Some submissives enjoy having rules purely for the fun of turning around and breaking the rules. One of the desires that are greatest for little girls is to receive the attention of their Daddy. Sometimes the way they like to seek that attention is by bratting to feel their Daddy’s love and care through the form of behavior correction. If you suspect you have a brat on your hands, review the Brat Tamer guide. You’re going to need it.

Staying safe as a submissive little

While it’s good practice for any submissive to find a Dom they respect and can trust that the Dom has their best interest at heart, a little ought to take extra precautions. 

Consider what lies at the foundation of a DDlg dynamic - a seemingly innocent girl, naive and inexperienced, needs the guidance of a Dom. Unfortunately, the innocence, naivete and inexperience can create a perfect target for a Dom who only wishes to cater to his needs, not both partners, to use “guidance” as a means for narcissistic manipulation.

I highly recommend taking a look at the how to be a submissive guide and following all the steps before ever even meeting a Dom. Figuring out why you want to be submissive, submitting from a secure place, understanding your yes and no’s, and deciding your desires, boundaries, and limits before looking for a Daddy can help keep you safe. During that process you’ll learn a lot about yourself and about BDSM. To roleplay naivete, you don’t actually need to be naive. Knowledge is power, honey.