Erotic Choking Guide: Safer Techniques for Sex and BDSM Play

Learn the risks and considerations for engaging in erotic choking and how to safely incorporate it into sex.

Erotic choking, also known as erotic asphyxiation, is a part of the kink known as breath play. Breath play is a BDSM-style activity that involves intentionally cutting off the air supply as a result, the person becomes dizzy and lightheaded. 

Choking has become a standard, run of the mill activity like, spanking or hair pulling, that many include in their repertoire of kinky or rough sex, especially amongst younger generations. Many believe it can be practiced with fewer safety precautions and less experience than the other types of kinks because of how simple it is. However, when not performed properly choking during sex can be dangerous and can lead to death. That’s not meant to scare you away, but to inform you that just going at it without some proper education, as many do, can result in serious harm. So let’s walk through ways to experience choking in a fun and safe way that is appropriate for your risk tolerance level.

Why do people enjoy choking?

Like any erotic act, the reasons that people enjoy choking contain multitudes and it’s worth exploring your own erotic mind to find out what it is about choking that turns you on so much.

Some common reasons include:

• Intensify orgasm: Due to the neurohormones released during choking and forms of breath play, it can cause the person being choked to experience a sense of euphoria, intensifying orgasms that are had in this state. This state of euphoria may be further induced by choking being a possible trigger for subspace.
• Fear and panic: BDSM allows people to experience emotions and experiences in a safe space that they otherwise would not be able to. Choking can induce fear and panic in the person being choked, allowing them to feel helpless or in danger without actually being in danger (as long as erotic choking is done correctly). 
• Expression of Dominance and submission: Choking may be included in power play and used for play or demonstrations of Dominance, allowing the Dom to have power over the submissive and further reinforcing the dynamic.

How to Choke

Risks

Although choking is simple and there are injuries that can easily be avoided with proper education, it’s a fact that choking can be extremely risky. No matter what type you engage in or how light you think it is, there are risks. There are always risks.

Here are some risks you should be aware of:

• Bruising & other physical trauma: The neck is sensitive and can be more prone to bruising or swelling when someone is rough during choking.
• Brain Damage: Restricting the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain can result in damage to brain cells.
• Vision loss: Erotic asphyxiation can cause a type of hemorrhage that can lead to permanent vision loss.
• Carotid dissection: A tear in one of your carotid arteries in your neck which can stroke, heart attack, or paralysis.
• Crushed trachea: A tear or break in the windpipe (trachea) or bronchial tubes, the major airways leading to the lungs.
• Death: Choking your partner can result in death, even if you put safeguards in place and study how to do it the right way vs the wrong way.
• Psychological trauma: Without enthusiastic consent and being fully aware of the risks involved while choking someone during sex, you may cause yourself or your partner needless psychological hurt and trauma. 

Although this list may feel alarming, there are ways to engage in erotic choking that can be appropriate for your risk tolerance and still allow you to gain the benefits expressed previously.

Where to Choke

We will discuss locations and placement of hands (or other body parts used for choking) further when discussing techniques because each level of choking will have a different placement. For now here are a few general guidelines to keep in mind.

General guidelines:

• No matter what type of choke you are doing you should never apply pressure to the front of the throat where the trachea and windpipe lie.
• As you’re choking, keep your center of gravity leaning away from them to avoid putting pressure on their neck if you lose balance.
• Along each side of the neck are the carotid arteries. If you place your fingers on them, you will feel your pulse. Squeezing these will cause a blood choke (explained below) and will keep blood from getting to the brain. Only squeeze these if your intention is a blood choke.

Techniques

I’m going to walk you through five levels of choking, starting from the least risky and moving to most risky. Giving credit where credit is due, I learned a few of these level differentiations from sex educator, Lola Jean, who coined the terms fantasy choke, breath choke, and blood choke. 

The differentiation helps you to identify how your restricting oxygen during erotic choking so you can take the proper precautions:

• Fantasy Choke: does not provide any restriction to blood flow or air flow.
• Breath Choke: restricts oxygen from getting into lungs (and therefore the rest of the body and vital organs) which can result in death after a period of time.
• Blood Choke: allows oxygen into the lungs but restricts it from getting to the brain via the bloodstream in arteries which can result in passing out first, then death if prolonged. 

Level 1: Resting hands on chest near neck

Our first level of choking is to just rest our hands near our partner’s, starting at where the collarbone and neck meet with zero squeezing. 

From a safety perspective, you will get to test how your partner is going to react. If they are someone who gets claustrophobic, they might already be getting antsy at this stage and it could be too much. From my experience, some submissives will sort of push their neck towards and lift their collarbone, inviting you to advance and letting you know they enjoy it. Of course it’s always good to verbally check-in if this is the case. 

Although it may seem tame, this technique can be used to start to polarize a moment for further Dominance and submission. For example, I like to do this while kissing, taking a moment that is pleasurable and bringing in a bit of anticipation of whether or not I’m going to choke her.  

Level 2: Fantasy Choke

Now you’re going to place your hand around their neck, except you’re not going to apply any pressure, compression, or restriction. 

To perform a fantasy choke:

• Make the shape of an L with your thumb and other four fingers together.
• Place the nook of that L towards the top of the neck, almost where the bottom of the chin and neck meet, and let your fingers rest on either side of the neck. 
• These fingers do not and should not apply any pressure.
• To intensify the feeling of being choked, without applying pressure, you can eliminate the distance between the palm and throat, and lightly push your hand UP into the bottom of the jawline, NOT into the neck itself.

I would estimate that 90% of the time when I’m using choking in my play, it’s a fantasy choke. Fantasy chokes can give you all the same mental and emotional benefits of dominating someone without worrying about restriction to air or blood flow.

Level 3: Breath Choke

Although this is a choke, you’re not actually going to have your hands around your partner’s neck. Reason being, breath chokes cause a restriction to one’s air pathways or ability to breathe, and the only way to be able to do that in the neck is by closing the airway, i.e. the windpipe and we definitely don’t want to do that.

Instead, this “choke” is performed by using your fingers or hand to hold close the nose, mouth, or both of a partner. It’s best to start with just one, either the nose or mouth, that way your partner can get used to the sensation and can always opt to use their mouth or nose if it becomes too much. 

Level 4: Blood Choke

Returning back to the neck, a blood choke restricts the two pairs of carotid arteries running along each side of the neck, restricting oxygen (via the bloodstream) from getting to the brain. 

Although you could perform a blood choke with your hand, it's the least effective method because the surface area of your fingers is so small to try to pinch those arteries, and the compression needed from the fingers would likely cause damage to the throat. It’s far better to use either your arm around the neck, applying pressure to both arteries, or your thighs in a scissor hold around the sides of the neck. To do these properly, I highly, highly, highly, recommend watching Lola Jean’s choking course.

Level 5: Extreme breath play

Up to this point, we’ve only used our hands (or arms and legs in blood choke), however there are a lot of ways to restrict oxygen from getting to your partner such as smothering, bagging, breath play bondage, masks, dunking, or waterboarding. If you are drawn to this type of very risky play, proceed with caution and be as educated and informed as possible before you get started.

Putting it into practice

Remember your goal

Before you start engaging in erotic choking, remember what your goal is for the scene and what intention you have behind choking. Is the goal to cause fear and pressure on your submissive? Or do you want to create an intimacy and demonstration of complete control over your submissive? Knowing these things can help you to know when to include choking in the rest of your play.

Medical considerations

Before engaging in choking, it is important to discuss with your partner anything that already impacts their airflow of blood such as health problems or medications.

Additionally, you should never engage in any activity that restricts airflow or blood while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Start softly

I presented the choking techniques to you in levels because you want to start very softly and ease into more pressure. Remember, this is a pleasurable experience, not aggressive strangulation.

So start with Level 1 and check in with your partner before proceeding. Then move to a fantasy choke. For most of you, you’ll never need to move beyond this point. 

If you do begin squeezing (because I know you’re going to try it), squeeze very lightly so that you are holding on to their neck and applying minimal pressure. I don’t recommend squeezing any tighter than this for long periods of time. Stop and ask your partner if they are ok with it before proceeding further.

Time on, Time off

If you decide to proceed into Level 3 or higher, you’ll want to take some extra precautions and continue to ease into each stage, always erring on the side of caution.

First, when performing these chokes, you’ll want to be able to see the person’s face to monitor for changes in their complexion, eyes, and breathing patterns. Using a mirror can help you if you’re in a position, such as behind them, where you can not see their face.

Second, you’ll want to have a timer so that you can measure how long you choke your partner. Start very small with a ratio of 10 seconds on, 10 seconds off. Don’t rush this and try to push them to build up to the maximum they can take. 

Communication during choking

Probably obvious, but if you’re being choked, your ability to verbally spit out a safeword is going to be quite limited. 

Instead, you’re going to want to establish a non-verbal communication system in which you can use signals to alert your Dom early and often.

One system is for the submissive to hold the wrist of their Dom’s hand that is choking them to give them feedback:

• For harder choking, they can pull their partner’s wrists towards themselves.
• For softer choking, they can push their partner’s wrists away.

To establish a non verbal “safeword”, you can use one of the following:

• Hand gesture, such as a raised fist
• Holding an item in your hand, such as a ball that will be dropped or bell that can be rung
• Tapping multiple times on the body of the person doing the choking or even with a foot on the ground if this is not possible.

If the person passes out

The body has a failsafe mechanism that can alert you that choking has gone too far and could lead to death if continued: passing out. It is not the goal of a blood choke nor does it mean a blood choke is “successful”. If passing out occurs, it's your signal that you need to restore blood flow to the brain immediately. 

If your partner passes out, you first need to gently lower them to the ground, taking extra precaution to support their head and not letting them hit it on the ground. Once they are lying flat on their back, elevate their feet and move their legs about gently to encourage the blood to flow upwards and back into the brain.

Tips for the submissive being choked

Being a good submissive takes skills too and there are things she can do to make the experience more enjoyable.

Tips for the submissive:

• Be educated: Learn the risks, types of chokes, and specifically the sensations that you enjoy or don’t enjoy. Erotic choking, as with other edge play kinks, are best practiced with someone who is skilled at doing so, such as a Pro Dom.  
• Don’t push yourself: The goal shouldn’t be how long you can go or what you can withstand but what is enjoyable. Always err on the side of tapping out sooner than later.
• Surrender: Don’t struggle or flail around while your Dom is choking you as it can cause him to adjust his grip or lose his balance in a way that could cause more pressure, crush your throat, or injure your neck.
• Always with a partner: never engage in any type of edge play or erotic asphyxiation alone. Always have a friend, play partner, pal, or guide on hand for safety precautions.

Enjoy at your own risk

Although seemingly simple, erotic choking can be a dangerous kink depending on how far you take it. That said, it can still be enjoyed if you learn the proper precautions and techniques, such as the ones in Lola Jean’s course. Once you’ve learned to do so, you can start incorporating erotic choking into your power play dynamics with Dominance and submission.