Manhandling Guide: Techniques & Tips for Rougher Sex & BDSM Play

Learn how to manhandle your submissive in the bedroom so she can feel your Dominance and intensify her pleasure in sex and BDSM play.

Manhandling is when you use physical force or strength to roughly move your partner around during sex or BDSM play. One of the core functions of a Dom is to give direction to the submissive. Most people will equate that to giving commands, and while that is effective, physically directing the submissive using your strength can be just as effective and elicit other feelings that can further help her reside in her submissive mindset.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from submissive women about sex is their partner is not rough enough with them. Now I understand why men hesitate from manhandling and being more rough with their direction and movements. It usually boils down to a few reasons.

Reasons men are afraid to manhandle women in the bedroom:

• Afraid of hurting her: Reasonable and honorable of you to look out for her safety. However, women are not fragile beings made of glass. They can take a lot of force, way more than you think, and they actually really love it. She may be a little princess, but she wants to be thrown around.
• Lack of confidence: A more overall problem than a localized one just to manhandling, the lack of confidence in yourself leads you to making timid movements. I suggest working on developing your Dominance and letting that confidence permeate your actions.
• Lack of competence: You’re just not entirely sure how to move her or how much force to exert. This one's pretty easy to fix - learn some skills, practice them, adjust with each new experience.
• Lack of strength: Pretty straightforward, if you don’t have the strength to lift her up and toss her around, you’re not going to do it.

Manhandling is the foundational skill for rougher sex and dramatically transforms your bedroom interactions. So let’s get you started right now on learning how to manhandle your submissive. 

Why do submissives enjoy being manhandled?

Being manhandled is one of the universal desires I’ve found with most submissives. Yes, there are always expectations and you should discuss with your partner if this is something they enjoy. When you do, you're likely to hear that being manhandled makes them feel more submissive.

Some common reasons include:

• Makes them feel small: Because of the strength required to pick her up and move her around, it makes them feel smaller than you. A lot of times that is actually the case.
• Makes them feel helpless: They are completely at your will. They move and do as you direct them to do. Even if they wanted to resist, they know they can be easily overpowered by you.
• Exhilaration: A lot of these movements are quick, strong, forceful, and unpredictable, sort of like a roller coaster can be. As a result, they get that exhilarating feeling of excitement mixed with nervousness. 
• They can turn their brain off: Because you’re moving them wherever you need them, they don’t have to worry about anything. You’re directing the show and she’s just along for the ride.
• They feel your Dominance: When you exert your will, they get to feel the passion and desire of a man who takes what he wants. 

How to Manhandle

While there are lots of techniques you can use to manhandle your submissive, it’s more of a mindset than any one act. I’m going to give you a bunch of my favorites, but what’s most important is to internalize the mindset underlying these movements because then you’ll do ones that are most authentic to what you need in the moment and want her to do.

Core mindset for manhandling: You’re in charge. Use your physical force or strength to exert your will and move her where you need without hesitation.

Pretend for a moment that your sweet submissive is a sex doll. Would you hesitate or be light with the sex doll when you needed it in a different position or wanted to move it? No, you’d just throw that thing around without hesitation. You’d have a desire and you’d automatically act on that desire without giving it a second thought. 

Obviously you need to have a little more care with a live person so you don’t cause you or her injury. However, the shorter you can make that desire stimulus to movement response, and removing the second guessing of yourself, the better you’ll be at manhandling. With practice you’ll gain more trust in yourself to move her in the correct direction with the right amount of force and the movements will become second nature to you.

Techniques

Pick her up

First up, demonstrate some full body strength by picking her up. Easiest way to move her around because she no longer has contact with the ground.

Picking her up techniques:

• Pick her up and throw her on the bed: Few different variations of this. 
  • One is to fireman carry her and flop her over on the mattress. 
  • Another is in the romantic way where you place your arm under her legs and under her mid back. 
  • Personally, I like to move from kissing her face to face, then placing my hands under her ass and lifting her up so she wraps her legs around me. Then I walk over to the bed and just toss her in the air. This one's more fun because she can’t see where she’s going to land.
• Pick her up against the wall: Similarly, you can use the same move of hands under her ass cheeks and then place her against a wall instead. 
• Pick her up off your cock: 
  • When you’re sitting on the edge of the bed, feet flat on the floor, and she is riding on top of you, you can stand straight up with your cock still inside, then turn around and let her fall onto the bed or throw her.
  • When she’s kneeling on the ground giving you a blowjob, you can pull her head off you and then reach underneath her armpit and lift her straight up.
  • When she’s riding you cowgirl, you can lift her straight up off of you and toss her to the side.

Push her

Next up is to push her. This is meant as a playful push, not an aggressive, "I’m going to beat the crap out of you” push. You don’t actually need that much force.

Main times to use a push:

• Onto the bed: Back her up to the bed and give a light push on her shoulders to make her lose balance and fall backwards.
• Into the wall: This one is more of a push and hold, where you grasp her hips and lightly push her backward to direct her up against the wall. To intensify this, you can put one hand behind her head as you grip her hip with your other hand, using moderate force to slam her against the wall. Your hand will keep her head safe as she hits the wall.

Directing her attention or movement

Sometimes simply directing her attention will get her moving where you need her and remind her of who is in control.

Techniques to direct her movement:

• Hand under the chin: This can be very subtle, such as lightly using your fingers (or even one finger) to move her face to look at you for kissing, dirty talk, or intense eye contact.
• Hand on back of neck: Can be used while she is standing to direct her movement, or while having sex with her from behind to push her head into the bed.
• Pulling head back by the hair: Grabbing her hair from the scalp, you can pull her hair back to reveal her neck or make her look up at you.
• From the hips: Almost all movement when walking or moving her from one location in the room to another is best done with hands on the hips. It’s like being a lead in dancing, you use a light push on the hips and she gets the signal to move in that direction.
• Arm lock from behind: A move used as both a restraint and to guide her movement. You stand behind her and weave your arm in front of her arm, then behind her back, and then grasp her opposing arm on the other side with your hand. If you want to move her, you just give a push and move her forward.

Body Compression

In these techniques, you're using your bodyweight to hold or compress her, making her feel small, helpless, but comforted and safe.

Techniques for body compression:

• Standing behind her: Essentially hug her from behind, snuggle your head into the side of hers, or kiss her neck, and lightly squeeze. You're not giving her a bear hug and squeezing with everything you have. If you put your arms over hers, flex your biceps as you squeeze to lock her arms in even more.
• Missionary: Can be done during intercourse or not, relax about 50-60% of your bodyweight onto her. You can use your forearms to change how much weight you’re holding on your own vs allowing to fall on to her.
• From behind: Similar to missionary except now she’s lying prone facing the bed, and you’re on top of her from behind. You can let more weight compress on her, around 75%, because she can support herself with her arms slightly under her. Wrap your arms around hers and hold her hands. You’ll be like one big weighted blanket. 

Better Positioning

During intercourse, you want to direct her body to get the right angles for both of you, in addition to moving her to change positions. There are lots of tiny adjustments that can be done using manhandling during sex, these are just a few.

Positioning techniques:

• Grab and scoot: Often done when they are either in doggy or missionary positions, you grab the crevice of where their hip meets their thighs, lift up slightly, and scoot them towards you. Usually I do this to move them further down the bed.
• Hip Hinge: Almost every position can be made better by learning how to position her hips because you’re either trying to hit her g spot or cause friction on her clitrois, or both. Place your hands in the crevice of the hips to thigh and tilt her hips, usually so she’s curving her back inward and popping her ass out more.
• Curving her back: Particularly for doggy position, if she starts arching her back upward, you can hip hinge with one hand and pull her hair with the other to get her curving inward again.
• Pushing her down: From a doggy position, first push her head into and chest into the bed using your hand on her back between the shoulder blades. Then use your hips to push forward and down till you're both prone.
• Rolling her over: For any transitioning between positions while still keeping your cock inside her. Grab her hips using your hand, and use your hips to roll her hips in whatever direction you want to roll.

Restraining

Sometimes she wants to exert some playful resistance and struggle just to feel you overpower her. This will require some strength to keep her restrained, so go get in the gym if you don’t feel confident you could do so.

Restraining techniques:

• Pinning arms down: Most often when she’s lying on her back with you on top of her, she’ll try to raise her arms up towards you, and you just push them back down. It’s better if you can grasp more towards her forearm than her wrist because it can be painful to be pinned by the wrists and depending on how much force is exerted, can sprain the wrists. Another option is to hold hands with her and push her hands back.
• Pinning hips down: You can grasp both of her hips and push them into the bed from the front. This can keep her from getting up or moving around too much as you have control of her center of gravity. This is particularly helpful if you’re performing cunnilingus on her and she’s really enjoying it. You can reach up and around her legs and push down on her hips to lock her in place while you eat her out.
• Pinning face down: While fucking her behind, you can pin her head into the bed either by grabbing her hair pushing from the back of the head, or grabbing the back of the neck, sort of like you’re doing a reverse choke. Be mindful to not put your weight onto her, and only push enough to lock her into the bed.
• Restraining her face: Make a U shape with your hand and fingers, put it under her chin, and lock her head from moving side to side, keeping her from looking away from you.

Grip her holes

To be done with light to moderate pressure, you can use your fingers as hooks to grip one of her holes and pull towards you. These are on the more degrading/ objectifying end of the spectrum, so do make sure she wants that first.

Gripping techniques:

• By the mouth: When fucking her from behind, grip your fingers in the sides of her mouth, and pull backwards. You can also grip the bottom of her jaw, except this should be done more gently than the side of the mouth so you don’t dislocate her jaw.
• By the pussy: While fingering her, stop and press your fingers tightly on the roof of her vagina, pulling toward you. I often do this while asking her “who does this fucking pussy belong to?”
• By the asshole: While she’s on all fours sucking your cock, lightly and well lubed, press your finger into her asshole and then grip is like an anal hook, gently tugging as you fuck her face.

Putting it into practice

Remember your goal

Before you start engaging in manhandling, remember what your goal is for the scene and what intention you have behind your movements.Do you want to be rough and aggressive? Or maybe sensually demanding? Knowing these things can help you to know when to include manhandling in the rest of your play.

Be Mindful

As you’re manhandling your submissive, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure both of you don’t end up injured. 

Things to keep in mind:

• Your strength: Know how much you can safely lift in all ranges of motion. This is where spending adequate time in the gym really helps, specifically in full body, compound lifts. Depending on your strength level and the body composition of your partner, some manhandling techniques will not be able to be performed.
• Her flexibility: Some movements might require some flexibility or strength on her part as well. The more flexible she is, the more you can move and bend her to your will. I particularly enjoy yoga practitioners and dancers because they flow easily with manhandling. 
• Obstacles: If you’re throwing her around, you’re going to want to look out for walls, headboards, and other obstacles that they might hit their body or head on. 
• Force: Learn to gauge how much force is necessary for a movement. Also consider how force can set the tone and intention of a movement. Not all manhandling movements need to be highly forceful and aggressive. In fact light pushes and pulls or subtle directions of movement can be just as Dominant in a way that says “look, I have so much control over you that I can move you with little to no effort”.
• Marks: Depending on how hard you grip while moving her and her skin’s threshold for pressure, occasionally you can leave marks.

Simple commands & dirty talk

At the beginning of the article I mentioned giving commands as an effective way to give direction. Combining commands with your manhandling movements can make the order clear and ensure a smoother movement. Since the bulk of your movement is being directed by the physical manhandling, simple commands work best such as “forward” or “bend over”. 

To make your manhandling more Dominant and further tap into her erotic mind, incorporate Dominant dirty talk into your movements. Phrases such as “come here, you little slut” when pulling them towards you or “now I have you right where I want you” when restraining them can help make the moment more intense. 

Tips for the submissive being manhandled

Being a good submissive takes skills too and there are things she can do to make the experience more enjoyable.

Tips for the submissive:

• Surrender: Don’t fight his movements (unless you intentionally want to resist). Trust that he knows where and how he wants you to maximize both your pleasure. If you try to take control while he’s manhandling, it will make both your movements feel clunky and like you’re working against each other, rather than having your bodies in flow.
• Become a ragdoll: You know the advice of when you’re getting in a car accident, it’s better to relax your body rather than tense up to avoid injury? That’s exactly what you want to do here. Let your body soften and relax so it’s easy to move and is not abrasive to your body.
• Support the movement: Just like in dancing, when he gives you a push in a certain direction, move with him in that direction.

Let her feel your Dominance

Manhandling is one of the most overlooked and underrated skills for you to express your Dominance in a way that will make her viscerally feel it. Start small and gain confidence in your strength and abilities, each time increasing the amount you manhandle her around. Remember, you’re in charge. Use your physical force or strength to exert your will and move her where you need without hesitation. If you want to continue to develop your Dominance, check out the guides on how to become a Dom and on developing your sexual dominance in the bedroom.