Tantric Yoni Massage Guide: Pleasure Her Body Like She’s Never Felt Before

Looking to add a sensual touch to your intimate moments? Use the power of Tantric yoni massage to give her pleasure she's never experienced before and deep, emotional connection.

I write a lot about Dominance and submission and have lots of guides on techniques for rougher sex like spanking, choking, and manhandling. However, truth be told, I found my way to neo-tantra before I did BDSM, learning the tools of sensuality, emotional connection, and moving the energy of pleasure throughout the body before I learned the power of Dominance. Don’t get me wrong, I love rough sex. However, I also really enjoy slow, sensual, and deeply emotional connecting experiences, too.

Tantra is pretty mysterious to most, which is why I wrote a guide on Tantra for beginners, and I think many of those interested in Dom/ sub relationships and BDSM could greatly benefit from tantric practices. Rather than a clear delineation of Dominant and submissive power roles, Tantra could be described as a dance between masculine and feminine expression, giver and receiver of pleasure, and blending that energy between the people engaging in play.

Today we’re going to explore one of the most powerful gifts you can give a woman from the practices of neo-tantra: the yoni massage.

What is a yoni massage?

A yoni massage is a sensual massage of a woman’s vulva, typically preceded by sensual full body massage in order to wake the body up and prepare it for erotic touch. What separates a yoni massage from a run of the mill massage with a happy ending is the amount of care and intention by the giver of the massage, which we’ll discuss in depth below. 

Yoni in Sanskrit means in loose translation “a sacred space“. Consider for a moment that a woman’s vagina is the portal by which life is brought into this world. In that sense, it is the most sacred space you can imagine. What is more sacred than life itself? 

Why give a yoni massage?

I’ve given many yoni massages over the years and every woman I’ve given one to has profusely thanked me, even submissive women who proclaim to love having their body “used”. 

What a yoni massage really boils down to is being a gift. You’re giving your partner the feelings of being loved, cherished, worshipped, and honored. Feelings we are so utterly void of in our day to day life. Not only that, but you’re giving her those feelings in relation to what makes her feel most like a woman.

Benefits of a yoni massage:

• Connects her with the pleasure of her body, often to parts she has never connected with before.
• If she struggles to orgasm, yoni massages can help train her to orgasm.
• She can experience multiple and blended orgasms.
• She can experience orgasms from the a spot, u spot, or cervix, which are often unexplored areas for her.
• For those with body image issues, having her body worshipped and touched in this way can bring a deep appreciation for herself.
• Help to heal emotional and sexual trauma and lower guards to having sex and intimacy
• Create a deep connection between giver and receiver of the yoni massage

It’s not uncommon for your woman to cry during a yoni massage, often out of sadness and pleasure, because you’re releasing so much built up tension, not just in her body, but in her vulva as well. Afterwards she’s going to feel so relaxed, comforted, and truly appreciated, she’s likely to have a radiant and glowing energy for the days following.

As a Dom, one of the important steps in leading your submissive is helping them to surrender fully - surrendering to your leadership, surrendering to their desires, and surrendering to their pleasure. A yoni massage can be an excellent way to help your submissive surrender, in a very physically and emotionally vulnerable way, and build trust that they are quite literally safe in your hands. 

How to give a yoni massage

Before we dive into the process of giving a yoni massage, there are some very important principles that will make it an amazing experience for her (and you, too).

The most important principle: you are giving a gift. Gifts mean you expect nothing in return.

A yoni massage is not about you at all and 100% about her. There is no covert contract here that says “if I give you a massage, then you’ll do what I want.” Almost nowhere in society are such gifts given, especially when it comes to sex, which is what makes a yoni massage so powerful for her. She doesn’t have to worry about anything, and her sole purpose is to just experience her own pleasure, guided by the hands of someone else.

Other principles to keep in mind:

• Slow down: A great tantric and yoni massage could take an hour or more. By taking your time, you're allowing time for her blood to reach erogenous zones and arousal to build. You’re giving her plenty of space to mentally and emotionally connect with every inch of her body and her vulva. Think you’re going slow enough? Go slower.
• Outside inwards: You’ll see in the process outlined below, we always start from the outside of the body and work our way inwards. This applies to the whole body, moving from the back and arms eventually to the chest and vulva, but also to the vulva itself, moving from the outer lips to the most internal parts of the vagina.
• Cover every inch: During this massage you’re going to touch her everywhere. Every. Single. Inch. This means getting areas often neglected in a massage like between the fingers and toes, up the back of the neck into the scalp, lightly massaging the features of the face, and so on. With every touch, being conscious of what sorts of touch would be most pleasurable for that area. This principle becomes extremely important when getting to the vulva because you’re going to be connecting her with every inch of herself there, opening up pleasure she didn’t know was available to her.
• Dearmouring and relieving tension: As you’re touching her body, you may find areas that are particularly stiff, or you feel her resisting or tensing up to your touch. These areas need special attention paid to them, slowing down even further and spending extended periods of time allowing her to ease into your touch. As you explore her vagina with your fingers, you’ll notice that some areas also have tension just like the rest of the body. Continue to apply this principle there as well.
• Keep everything oiled: Be very generous with the amount of massage oil you use during this process.
• Clip and file your fingernails: You don’t want any sharp nails that may hurt her when your fingers are inside her. 

Now that you have the principles, let’s get into the process of giving a yoni massage. 

Step 1: Set the space

Part of our goal in facilitating a yoni massage is to help our partner get out of their head into their body. Setting up the space is crucial for this.

First, clean, organize, and tidy the space up. Physical clutter is mental clutter. 

Next, is to prepare somewhere for your partner to lay down during the massage. You have a few different options. You can use a massage table, which allows you to easily move around your partner. However I don’t feel these are as intimate. Instead I like to either lay out a very cushioned area on the floor using lots of pillows, cushions, or mats, or to use the bed. Using one of these options allows me to straddle, sit, and lay next to her as I massage her, creating more touch points of intimacy. If you choose one of those options, make sure to lay down towels or a tossable blanket to clean up the oils. I also recommend a pillow with a face hole to allow your partner to comfortably lay face down.

Then make sure you set the mood with the right temperature, lighting, music and scents.

Here’s some general guidelines:

• Harsh light makes it difficult to concentrate, and it isn’t relaxing. Use soft lighting to feel more comfortable. Consider lights with warm colors such as yellow, red, and pinks.
• The ideal room temperature should be 77°F and above, so your partner isn’t cold as her body becomes more sensitive and blood is brought to the surface of the skin during the massage.
• Use music that is gentle, sensual, and without words or harsh rhythms. There are dozens of playlists everywhere, just make sure whatever service you’re using that you actually pay for it and don’t have the free version with ads. Those are extremely disruptive.
• Scents can be tricky depending on the person, so it's best to ask. I usually use incense with vanilla, sandalwood, and other earthy scents, but not everyone likes those.

Last thing to mention is what you wear during the massage. She will be fully nude. What you wear really depends on where the experience is being led for her. Remember the experience is for her, so you also being nude may be distracting and make her think about your pleasure as well (because you’re likely to become very aroused during this process). If intercourse is on the table for the end of the yoni massage, then being nude may be appropriate. However, most of the time I’m in linen pants or shorts with no shirt on. It can still allow some skin to skin contact when I might lay my chest on her, and her occasionally feeling my erection, but it’s not intrusive.

What oils should I use for a yoni massage?

The general rule is only to use the oils that you can also eat, aside from olive oil because it is not so good for massage. 

Recommend oils:

• extra virgin coconut oil (what I always use)
• avocado oil
• grapeseed oil

When massaging, I recommend warming the oil up just a little bit. At the very least, rub it though your hands a few times before applying it to her body.

Warning: We’ll discuss this more later, but typically yoni massages do not include intercourse. However, they can if you both decide you’d like it to. In that case, do not use oil for massaging the vulva if you plan on using condoms because the oils will break down the condom. Use lubricant instead.

Step 2: Tantric foreplay

Before getting to the massage, it’s important to help her transition from the chaos of everyday life where she has been giving herself over to dozens of things demanding of her, and bring her into a space where she is going to receive.

Have a brief check-in with her to see how she is feeling. Also take a moment to check-in about what is going to feel most good for her during this experience, including how she’s like it to end, whether that is purely her pleasure, orgasm, or if she’s like intercourse as well.

Then help her to start moving awareness from her thoughts into her body by having some tantric foreplay. This can be done using many different techniques I mentioned in the Tantra for beginners guide. My favorite, though, is doing breathwork together in Yab Yum pose because it allows us to be intimately close and synchronize our breath together, starting that connection.

To perform breathwork in Yab Yum:

• Sit in lotus pose or criss cross legs. It can sometimes be helpful to have a cushion or pillow underneath your butt.
• Have her sit in your lap facing you and wrapping her legs around your back.
• You can either wrap your arms around each other, hold hands, or place one hand on each other’s hearts and one hand behind her back.
• You can look into each other’s eyes and hold eye contact, but in my experience, most women struggle holding eye contact with me as it can be emotionally intense. As an alternative, you can close your eyes and touch your foreheads together.
• Now you want lead the breath. Breathe deeply into the bottom of your stomach, as if you were going to use the air to penetrate her. Hold briefly, then slowly exhale. 
• Without you even telling her, eventually her breath will start to match yours and either follow your exact rhythm, breathing in when you do, or doing the inverse, where she inhales when you exhale and exhales when you inhale, creating an orbit of breath.
• This is when you know she is ready to proceed to the massage.

After she has calmed down and breathing has deepened to match yours, let her disrobe, lie down, and get comfortable. Have her lay down face first.

To help you know where to focus for each step, we’re going to divide the body into quadrants:

• Upper back quadrant: Upper back, shoulders, back of neck, back of head, arms
• Lower back quadrant: Lower back, legs, feet, hips, butt
• Upper front quadrant: Face, front of neck, arms, hands, stomach, breasts
• Lower front quadrant: Mound, inner thighs

You’re going to massage all of these areas in this order before ever touching your vulva.

Step 3: Upper Back Quadrant

The upper back quadrant consists of the back, shoulders, back of the neck, back of the head, and arms. To massage this quadrant, I recommend straddling her with your weight on her butt and hips, that way you can easily reach everything and can apply equal pressure.

Almost everyone has experienced a back and shoulder massage, so it’s best to start here. Spend plenty of time rolling out any knots and areas of tension. She’s likely to have a lot. If she has large breasts, her upper back is likely to be pretty tense from being strained all the time carrying them. 

As you move from the back to the shoulders, start massaging down the back of her arms. If she is a mother of young children, her arms are likely to be sore from holding them. Similarly, if she works out a lot, the triceps can hold a lot of tension. Also pay attention to the forearms here.

As you make your way back up the arms, move to the tops of the shoulders and into the sides of the neck. If she has long hair, these muscles are going to be very tense. As you massage the sides of her neck, bring your fingers forward a bit to get the back of the jawline and around the back of the ears. 

Next move to the back of the neck and massaging up to the base of the skull, giving special attention to the pivot point of where the skull sits on top of the spine. Then give some attention to massaging her scalp.

When you have given all the areas of the upper back quadrant proper attention, give a few circuits of the areas in this quadrant all together. I also like to momentarily rest my chest on her back or give her back a few kisses (and tickles from my beard) as I massage this area.

You’ll notice I have not given you any time frames for each area. You’ll know when you’re ready to move on to the next stage when you can feel her body accepting of your touch in each area and fully relaxed (or pretty close). For some that will be quick, for others it won’t.

Step 4: Lower Back Quadrant

The lower back quadrant consists of the lower back, legs, feet, hips, and butt. To massage this quadrant, I stay straddled on her butt to massage her lower back, then move to sitting or kneeling beside her to massage the rest of the quadrant.

Transition from the upper back to the lower back. Also give a little attention to the sides of the ribs, just don’t spend too much time or pressure on them, as many can be ticklish and sensitive in these areas.

Now is the time when we really start implementing the ‘start outside and work our way in’ principle, building up arousal by avoiding or teasing erogenous zones before addressing them. So as you move from massaging the lower back, you’re going to massage the rim of the top of the butt and down the sides of the hips. Almost everyone's hip flexors are tight, so do give some love to this area. 

Next move to the back of the thighs. Focus on below the butt and other thighs for now. As you move down the leg, give very light movements over the back of the knees so as to not damage them. Then tend to the calves and achilles before moving on to the feet. Every woman varies on how much they like their feet and toes touched, so be aware.

As you make your way back up the legs, now you can massage with your fingers curled towards the inner thigh. As you get near her pubic area, avoid touching her vulva, but you can get pretty close. You can move from the inner thigh along the crease where the bottom of her butt cheeks and thigh meet and transition to massage the butt. Really give the butt some love, it feels amazing. As you massage, you can occasionally dip your thumbs or fingers into those creases leading to her inner things and between her legs, teasing her for what is to come later.

As before, you’ll be ready to move to the next area when she’s relaxed and has thoroughly enjoyed your touch here. 

Step 5: Front Upper Quadrant

The front upper quadrant consists of the face, front of neck, arms, hands, stomach, and breasts.  Allow her to flip over and get comfortable again. It’s easiest to be on the side of her to massage here.

Start with the face, lightly massaging the temples, forehead, cheek bones and the sides of the jaw. There are lots of little muscles in the face that get used a lot and hardly ever given attention. Then move to the neck. You're not going to put any pressure here, but rather just rub the area as you move towards the front of the shoulders and upper chest.

As with the butt, you’re going to totally disregard the breast for now and move your way to the arms, giving special attention to the biceps and forearms. Then make your way to the hands. Spend lots of time here as it can be quite an intimate experience to have your hands massaged (I love having my hands and forearms massaged.) Particularly given attention to the meaty area of the where the thumb connects to the hand. That thumb does a lot. 

Make your way back up the arms and down the sides of her body, gently brushing the sides of her breasts as you pass. As you reach the love handles and begin to massage her stomach, be very aware of how she is reacting. A lot of women are self conscious about their stomach and you touching it in such an intimate way is going to kick on the self negative mind gremlins. Give her stomach the same love and care you’ve given the rest of her body. Now’s also a great time to reassure her how beautiful she looks and how much you love touching her body. As you massage the stomach, you can make a few swipes over her mound.

Now, it's finally time to move to the breasts. Just as before, you want to start from the outside and work your way inwards towards the nipples. It can feel really good to rub in circular motions on her breasts. Be sure to circle in one way, and then eventually change direction and rub that way. As I’m focusing on the breasts, I’ll often run my hand up the center of her sternum to her neck, almost as if I’m going to choke her, but instead just lightly rubbing her neck before coming back down to focus on her breasts. 

As you circle around her breasts, you can let either the edge of your hand ever so slightly graze her nipple, or you can run your palm on the very, very tip of the nipple as you pass over. I promise she’ll be aching for you to touch them. Don’t. Spend a little more time massaging around the areolas. Finally, when it seems she can’t take one more second of not having you touch her nipples, give her the satisfaction of rubbing them with your full hand. You can then move to just focusing on the nipples with your fingers, stroking them and lightly tugging them as you stroke. Then return to massaging the entire breast while incorporating nipple stimulation.

She’s going to love this, so let her have plenty of time to enjoy it before moving on. 

Step 6: Front Lower Quadrant

The final quadrant before moving on to the vulva consists of her pubic mound, front and inner thighs. Because we are going to move right into massaging the vulva after this, you want to get into position now. The best way is to have her spread her legs open and lift her knees up while you either extend your legs along the side of her and put or sit in lotus pose with her in front of you. She can then rest her legs on your legs or knees. This gives you perfect access and range of motion to everything you need here.

Here you want to focus on rubbing the tops of her thighs, waistline, and pubic mound area. Let your hands dip into her inner thighs and fingers or thumbs rub the creases where her legs meet the bottom of her pelvis near her vulva. As you do this, you’re promoting a lot of blood flow to the area. This is fantastic and we went to see her vulva get more engorged as she became aroused so that touch feels extremely good when we start giving it attention.

Just as you did with the nipple on the breasts, you can ever so slightly and infrequently graze the clitoral hood or the very sides of the labia. DON’T RUSH. Take your time. Let her body invite you to want to be touched there. Let everything get engorged with blood, warm, and her practically inching her pelvis towards you, begging to be touched.

Step 7: Outer Vulva

Stop: If intercourse with condoms is going to be performed later, then you need to stop using oil, wipe your hands clean, and switch to using lube instead. Oil breaks down condoms. If you’re not using condoms later, oil is safe to continue using.

Now it’s time to get to the actual yoni massage. However, the reason you spent time massaging everywhere else first is because:

• You want her relaxed
• You want lots of blood flowing
• You want her aroused
• You want her to trust your touch

Yoni massages are powerful not just because they are a gift, but because she’s invited your touch the entire time. She wants it, aches for it, is dying for you to finally touch her pussy. This is completely different from how she is touched in many instances of being touched there. It can be hard for a man to imagine, but women endure all kinds of unwanted touches all the time, even from their own partners. So to have every touch be one that she wants fully, can be incredibly empowering. So without further ado, let’s give her what she’s been begging for.

To start, just rub your hands lightly from the top of her pubic mound and over her entire vulva to the perineum and back up again. Do not let your fingers slip inside. Then, use your fingers to focus on the outer edges of the labia without actually touching the lips yet, and the perineum. This entire area is part of the structure of her pelvic floor and full of veins and small muscles. It can be quite tight and massaging it is going to feel very relieving (and also very arousing).

Step 7: Labia

Next we want to massage the labia, also known as the lips. First rub your hands from the outer vulva to the lips, pushing in and grabbing skin as you reach closer to the labia, almost as if you're picking up a hamburger or taco (I know, I know, but it gives you the right visual…).

Next you can take the index and middle finger of one hand and rub between the outer labia and inner labia, from the top of the vagina, to the bottom.

Then, you’ll want to take your thumb and index finger and slowly rub each individual lip, getting every inch, crease, and fold. During stimulation, the blood vessels become engorged with blood. This will swell the labia, so it becomes lusher and more sensitive to stimulation.

Step 8: Clitoris

Next you can move to the top of the labia where it meets the clitoral hood and clitoris. We’re not focused on giving her a clitoral orgasm right now, but rather giving it some indirect attention. Some women may orgasm easily from clitoral stimulation, so if it happens, it’s ok. But try to be mindful and if you see her reaching orgasm quickly, slow down your touch and move that energy throughout the rest of her pelvis, and let her back down in arousal, edging her from actually orgasming.

You can indirectly stimulate the clitoris by focusing more on the sides or the back of the clitoral hood, and occasionally grazing over the full length of the hood. You can also tease her a bit by pulling the hood back with your thumb and either very lightly touching the clitoris or lightly blowing on it.

Step 9: Vaginal Opening

Now run two fingers slightly inside the inner lips down to the bottom of the vaginal opening and let them rest at the opening. Wait. Don’t put them in. Just let them rest with a little pressure on the bottom of the opening. Let her invite your fingers inside her. You’ll know she’s ready when she starts pushing herself towards your fingers.

When she’s let your fingers slip more inside her, only put in a couple inches. Give some pressure to the entire vaginal opening. You can use your thumb to stimulate the labia as you make your way around the opening. 

Step 10: G-spot

Now we’ll slide our fingers in a little more and stimulate the G-spot. To find the G-spot, curve your first two fingers like the letter C and slide them into the vagina. Feel for a slightly ridged area at the top of the vaginal canal, located about an inch or two in, behind the external clitoris. You can massage it by making a come hither movement with your curved fingers. You can also place pressure on or above the pubic bone to further help with stimulation. Remember, we’re not stimulating orgasm necessarily. So allow your strokes to be long and slow. 

You can also spread open your fingers inside her and place one finger on each side of the G-spot, further stimulating the entire roof of the vagina.

Step 11: U-spot

From this motion, we can now start stimulating the U-spot. It is located just under the clitoris and above the vagina’s entrance, where the urethral glands are. This magic spot of the female body has received this name due to the upside-down “U” shape.

Even though this spot is one of the least studied, many experts say that it expels fluids produced by the body before and after the orgasm. Therefore, if you stimulate the spot, it can produce natural lubrication.

You can stimulate this spot by moving from the G-spot and turning your finger downwards and rubbing the sides of the vaginal canal in circular motions, just like you were going when rubbing the vaginal opening. You can also come hither movements of your fingers along the bottom and lower walls of the canal.

Step 12: A-spot

We’re now going to return to the roof of the vagina and insert our fingers in deeper, going past the G-spot to the A-spot The A-spot is an erogenous area that sits at the top of the vagina, between the cervix and the bladder. The A-spot feels softer than the adjacent surrounding tissues when pressed and rubbed.

Stimulate this spot with circular motions along the top of the vaginal canal. You can increase the intensity by doing the same come hither motions or other techniques you applied to the G-spot.

Step 13: O-spot

The O-Spot is located farther within the vagina, near the cervix along the underside, i.e. towards the lower back wall of the vagina. Using your fingers try to reach farther into the vagina. When the penetration is no longer possible or if the region within the vagina is harder, then you would have encountered the cervix. Now, explore the underside region towards her back by applying varying amounts of pressure, rubbing, and stroking until you find the spot that is most pleasurable. This is the O-Spot. It will be hard to sustain stimulation here because your fingers will be strained to reach that far, but don’t neglect not touching it. It can sometimes be easier to lift her legs and shorten her vaginal canal to reach this spot.

Step 14: Cervix

With conscious stimulation, the cervix can be awakened to experience deep vaginal orgasms. You’ve already encountered the cervix when you put your fingers deeper inside her. It feels harder, like the tip of a nose or tip of a thumb. 

To stimulate the cervix, rub the tissues in a circular fashion surrounding the cervix. You can then touch the tip of the cervix and make pushing movements towards her or make tapping movements with your fingers on the cervix.

Step 15: Orgasm or Squirting

By now you’ve spent a great deal of time stimulating her entire vagina. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to explore and map every region of her vagina using your fingers. Let her feel every inch of herself. As you explore, you may find areas of tension that can feel really good to rub and massage, releasing that tension. 

It’s quite possible that during your exploration she could have one or more orgasms. That’s totally ok, let her experience her pleasure. If she has not orgasmed, now is the time to bring her to that climax. The most surefire way will be stimulating the clitoris and G-spot together. If she’s never squited before, this is an excellent time to help her do so because you already have towels down and she is extremely relaxed and comfortable. 

To help her ejaculate, you’re going to want to use the middle to fingers in the C shape and stiffen them. Rather than doing the come hither motion on the G-spot, you’re going to press upwards into it and then vigorously press up and down on the G-spot. With your other hand, rub your fingers quickly back and forth on her clitoris. It can help to get on your knees and lean over her, extending the arm that is stimulating the G-spot so you use the muscles in the arm rather than the wrist. It won’t take long because she is already worked up and ready for release, which is beneficial on your part because doing these motions is going to be a work out.

Once she has orgasmed, and most likely squirted, you can continue to stimulate her for multiple orgasms if she wishes to continue. When you’re both ready to come down, you can slowly and lightly massage her entire vulva and then come to a rest and hold the palm of your hand on her entire vulva while holding your other hand on her heart and chest. This will help ground her from the intense experience.

Bonus: Intercourse

Because this experience is about her, penetration is usually not a part of a yoni massage. With that said, she may really want to have intercourse afterwards and it can be a very intimate and pleasurable experience to do so. You’re usually full of ravenous energy and she is so tuned into the sensations in her vagina that she’s going to feel all of you inside her to the fullest extent possible. For women that have never orgasmed from penetration, this is a moment that can make that more likely. 

Of course, let her invite you to intercourse. I don’t care if you have a raging hard on from touching her for so long, don’t push or guilt her into giving you pleasure. If you do, you’ll cheapen the entire experience as a gift and you’ll break all the trust you just built. It’s not worth it.

Step 16: Cuddles

When the experience is over, just lay down, cuddle, and hold her. You don’t need to talk unless she would like to talk. Don’t bring up your insecurities asking how your performance was. Just lay with her and let her be in her bliss. You’ll be thanked and told how great it was for her in due time. Be patient. 

Resources to learn massage techniques:

With enough oil and checking in about pressure, you can do pretty well about winging it. However, it does help to pick up some massage techniques to give variety and learn how to massage the different parts of the body specifically for that area. For those, I recommend the courses by Jaya Shivani on Beducated.

Massage courses:

• Full Body Massage
• Breast Massage
• Sensual Vulva Massage